Attack of the God of Coffee Breaks
by Kaychan87
Summary: Just a little attempt at humor. It's probably not that funny, but yeah. Heero and Relena go on a date and it all starts from there....
1. Introduction

Attack of The God of Coffee Breaks Chapter 1 "Introduction"  
  
Disclaimer: I Don't own Gundam Wing Or Sailor Moon or The God of Coffee Breaks or Tim Horton's or Dunkin' Donuts or Country Style Donuts. I'm just using and spoofing them.  
  
Heero Yuy and Relena Darlian walked into a local coffee shop. Entering after them were Tenoh Haruka, Kaioh Michiru, Meioh Setsuna, and Tomoe Hotaru.  
  
"Wow, Heero look at that guy! He's gorgeous!" Relena exclaimed, gawking at Haruka. Heero averted his gaze from Michiru and glanced at Haruka.  
  
"Nothing special about him," muttered Heero. Relena smiled slyly at Heero.  
  
"Jealous?" she asked.  
  
"Hell no!" snapped Heero.  
  
"Sure," Relena said, sounding entranced. Heero sweatdropped and returned to gazing lovingly at Michiru.  
  
"Heero!" whined Relena. "Stop ignoring me!"  
  
"Huh?" Heero asked, dazed.  
  
"Heero, Sweetie, you were ignoring me," Relena stated.  
  
"Don't fucking call me 'Sweetie'!" snapped Heero.  
  
"Yuy!" someone yelled. Heero turned around and saw his old friend, Kino Makoto. She was with five other girls, Haruka, Michiru, Hotaru, and Setsuna.  
  
"Hey Kino!" Heero gretted Makoto. Makoto said something to her friends and approached Heero and Relena.  
  
"Konnichi wa Yuy-san," Makoto said.  
  
"Konnichi wa Kino-san," Heero said.  
  
"How have you been?" Makoto asked.  
  
"I've been good, and yourself?" replied Heero.  
  
"Can't complain," Makoto answered. She and Heero had met at a sporting competition while Heero was pretending to be a student at St. Gabriel's. The only reason Heero participated was because Relena told him he wasn't good enough and bruised his ego. "Is that your girlfriend?" Makoto asked, starring at Relena.  
  
"Sorta," Heero stammered.  
  
"Sorta!?" choked Relena. Heero and Makoto snickered silently to themselves. Relena "hmphed" and pouted.  
  
"Come meet my friends," instructed Makoto, leading Heero over to her friends. Relena followed.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Makoto and her friends headed to the coffee shop. They were meeting Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna, and Hotaru for a Sailor Senshi meeting. Makoto's friends made up the Inner Senshi. Tsukino Usagi was Sailormoon, Mizuno Ami was Sailormercury, Hino Rei was Sailormars, Aino Minako was Sailor V and Sailorvenus, Tsukino Usagi (Chibi-Usa) was Sailor Chibimoon, and Makoto was Sailorjupiter.  
  
"I wonder why Haruka-chan called us to a coffee shop instead of meeting at the Shrine," Usagi mused.  
  
"I have an ominous feeling about this," murmured Rei.  
  
"There's one of Haruka's cars. This must be the place," Minako stated.  
  
"I wonder why she called us to a no-name coffee shop instead of Hom Torton's or Donut Dunkers or Crunchy Stale Donuts," Chibi-Usa said.  
  
"Maybe because this small establishment is one of the lesser known Juuban coffee shops. It's small and secluded. No nosey people, a lesser risk of enemy spies, and all the pastires are freshly made!" Ami exclaimed happily. The other girls sweatdropped. "Gomen ne," Ami said softly, flushing in embarrassment.  
  
"Let's go inside," Usagi said. The six girls entered the coffee shop.  
  
"Minna! You're here!" chirped Hotaru.  
  
"Hotaru-chan!" Chibi-Usa cried.  
  
"Chibi-Usa-chan!" Hotaru cried.  
  
"Don't fucking call me 'Sweetie'!" someone yelled. Makoto looked around and saw Heero.  
  
"Yuy!" she yelled, gaining Heero's attention.  
  
"Hey Kino!"  
  
"Minna, don't start the meeting yet," Makoto instructed and headed over to Heero. "Konnichiwa Yuy-san."  
  
"Konnichi wa Kino-san."  
  
"How have you been?"  
  
"I've been good, and yourself?"  
  
"Can't complain."  
  
"Sorta."  
  
"Sorta!?" choked Relena.  
  
"Come meet my friends," instructed Makoto, leading Heero over to her friends. Relena followed. 


	2. Don't Hit On My Woman!

Attack of The God of Coffee Breaks  
  
Disclaimer: Same rules apply as in the last chapter! If ya want more detail, read the disclaimer! I created 1 person for this story, and she's not showing up for a while. Now, on with the story.  
  
"Who are your friends Mako-chan?" asked Minako.  
  
"This is Heero," Makoto introduced Heero.  
  
"I'm Relena Darlian," Relena introduced herself.  
  
"These are Usagi, Ami, Rei, Minako, Chibi-Usa, Haruka, Hotaru, Michiru, and Setsuna," Makoto introduced the Senshi.  
  
"Michiru," murmured Heero. Relena stared at Haruka with hearts in her eyes.  
  
"You're handsome," Relena told Haruka. Hotaru pushed Relena away from Haruka.  
  
"You leave Haruka-papa alone!" yelled the young girl. Heero snickered.  
  
"Listen up, Relena, Haruka is my woman!" Michiru growled.  
  
"Woman!?" exclaimed Relena.  
  
"Hai," Haruka and Michiru replied in unison.  
  
"I... think... I'm... going... to... be... sick," Relena said, turning pale.  
  
"What's wrong Relena?" Heero asked.  
  
"N-nothing," stammered Relena. Haruka pulled Relena over to her and looked at her adoringly.  
  
"If nothing's wrong, how about we go get some lunch?" Haruka asked.  
  
"GAH!" Relena exclaimed. Michiru glared at Haruka.  
  
"After lunch, maybe we can go back to my place and have a little fun," Haruka added, looking Relena over.  
  
"Ewww! Leave me alone!" shrieked Relena. She pushed Haruka away and ran out of the coffee shop. 


	3. The New Enemy

Attack of The God of Coffee Breaks Chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer: I Don't own Gundam Wing Or Sailor Moon or The God of Coffee Breaks or Tim Horton's or Dunkin' Donuts or Country Style Donuts. I'm just using and spoofing them.  
  
Heero sighed.  
  
"I should go after her," Heero said. Before he could leave, four other guys rushed in.  
  
"Heero! We have a problem!" yelled a guy with a braid.  
  
"Miss Relena's been attacked at Hom Torton's!" exclaimed a blonde.  
  
"Be quiet! You're revealing too much to those onnas!" snapped one with black hair.  
  
"Let's go," said the fourth. Heero nodded and said a quick goodbye to Makoto.  
  
"What strange otokos," murmured Minako.  
  
"Hai, hai," agreed Usagi.  
  
"Minna, quiet down. We have to talk about a new enemy," Haruka told her comrades.  
  
"Nani?" asked Rei.  
  
"Hai, a new enemy. A rather strange on also. The enemy is known as the 'God of Coffee Breaks (or G of CB)' and this God is on a warpath, destroying because people are abusing the gift of coffee breaks," answered Haruka.  
  
"That's really... stupid," muttered Usagi.  
  
"Hai, demo, it's the truth," Haruka answered.  
  
"You don't think Heero and his friends are getting involved with this enemy, do you?" Makoto asked, worried. She didn't wait for an answer and bolted off after Heero and his friends.  
  
"Mako-chan!!" cried the Inner Senshi. They ran off after Makoto.  
  
"Kami-sama! Now we have to run after them!" growled Haruka.  
  
"Huh?" Haruka turned and looked at Michiru, Setsuna, and Hotaru. Hotaru was looking at Haruka, whipped cream around her mouth. Michiru and Setsuna were stuffing their faces with pastries. Haruka sweat dropped.  
  
"Hopeless... completely hopeless," she uttered and left. 


	4. Gundams Attack

Attack of The God of Coffee Breaks Chapter 4  
  
Disclaimer: I Don't own Gundam Wing Or Sailor Moon or The God of Coffee Breaks or Tim Horton's or Dunkin' Donuts or Country Style Donuts or Krispy Kreme. I'm just using and spoofing them.  
  
"Heero!!!" screamed Relena. She was tied to a Hom Torton's sign Floating in the air was a woman dressed in strange clothes, cackling evilly. Her shirt read, "Fear Me!" and she went about blowing up a Crunchy Stale Donuts.  
  
"Ahahahaha!" she cackled. Five mechas headed towards her. "Ah, the Gundams! It's about time!" she yelled. Heero moved to attack and his Gundam was turned into a donut.  
  
"What the Hell!?" gasped Heero. He jumped out of his Gundam.  
  
"I'll take that baka onna!" Wufei said and attacked with his Shenlong Gundam.  
  
"I feel like having coffee," the woman said, snapping her fingers. The Shenlong Gundam turned into a cup of coffee.  
  
"Yeeoowwch!" cried Wufei, jumping out of the steaming hot coffee cup.  
  
"Now who's the baka!?" roared the woman. An attack of gunfire was unleashed upon the woman. "Pitiful!" she laughed. She turned the bullets into chocolate sprinkles. She made the Heavyarms and Sandrock Gundams float into the air and sent them into space.  
  
"My turn! You won't defeat the all mighty Shinigami!" yelled Duo from inside his Death Scythe. 


	5. I Am The God of Coffee Breaks

Attack of The God of Coffee Breaks Chapter 5  
  
Disclaimer: I Don't own Gundam Wing Or Sailor Moon or The God of Coffee Breaks or Tim Horton's or Dunkin' Donuts or Country Style Donuts or Krispy Kreme. I'm just using and spoofing them.  
  
"My turn! You won't defeat the all mighty Shinigami!" yelled Duo from inside his Death Scythe. The woman made Duo appear floating in front of her.  
  
"Duo!! Kawaii Shinigami! My darling sweetie! Stay with me forever!" she said with hearts in her eyes.  
  
"Uh... sure!" Duo exclaimed happily.  
  
"Yay!" the woman exclaimed and started making out with Duo.  
  
"Baka Maxwell," muttered Wufei.  
  
"Heero!" Makoto yelled, rushing up to him.  
  
"Makoto!?" Heero said, confused.  
  
"Heero, you're in serious trouble!" warned Makoto.  
  
"What do you mean?" Heero asked, even more confused.  
  
"That woman is the evil God of Coffee Breaks! She's out to kill us! She thinks we're abusing her gift of coffee breaks!" Makoto explained.  
  
"What the Hell...? Makoto, that's a female! The God of Coffee Breaks is MALE!" Heero informed the Sailor Senshi. The woman stopped making out with Duo and glared at Heero. She was so angry that flames flickered in her eyes.  
  
"I AM THE GOD OF COFFEE BREAKS!" she thundered.  
  
"I told you so," Makoto said.  
  
"Shut up!" Heero growled. Makoto snickered. 


	6. Relenaccino

Attack of The God of Coffee Breaks Chapter 6  
  
Disclaimer: I Don't own Gundam Wing Or Sailor Moon or The God of Coffee Breaks or Tim Horton's or Dunkin' Donuts or Country Style Donuts or Krispy Kreme. I'm just using and spoofing them.  
  
"For saying I HAVE to be male, I will hurt your girlfriend!" snarled G of CB. Heero moved Makoto behind him and stood protectively in front of her.  
  
"Leave Mako-chan alone!" yelled Heero.  
  
"H-Heero... I'm not your girlfriend," stammered Makoto, blushing.  
  
"Fool, I mean her!" growled the G of CB. She pointed at Relena. "Her!"  
  
"Oh..." Heero sweat dropped then he shrugged. "Go ahead," he consented.  
  
"Really?" asked the G of CB. Heero nodded and smiled.  
  
"You'll be doing the world a favour," Heero added.  
  
"HEERO YUY I'LL KILL YOU WHEN I GET FREE!!!" screamed Relena.  
  
"Ehehehehe... you'll never get free alive," cackled the G of CB. Relena screamed and started to melt. The melted Relena was collected by the G of CB and placed in a cup. "Mixed with this pitiful excuse for a woman will be French Vanilla Cappuccino," she said and steaming hot cappuccino magically poured into the cup. Relena cried in agony. "Next we add a little rat poison, then a little cream, and mix!" the G of CB said as if she were on national television. Heero and Makoto sweat dropped.  
  
"Some evil villain," they muttered, embarrassed.  
  
"And to finish the poisoned Relenaccino, we add a little sugar," the G of CB said, adding sugar. She handed the drink to one of her many servants and started on her rampage again. She destroyed six Hom Torton's, seven Crunchy Stale Donuts, and twenty Donut Dunkers. Makoto and Heero stood in front of a Krispy Kreme donut shop. "HAHAHA!! Die you two annoying pests" the G of CB prepared to blast Heero, Makoto, and the coffee shop.  
  
"No! Enough is enough!" Makoto yelled. 


	7. Deadly Donuts

Attack of The God of Coffee Breaks Chapter 7  
  
Disclaimer: I Don't own Gundam Wing Or Sailor Moon or The God of Coffee Breaks or Tim Horton's or Dunkin' Donuts or Country Style Donuts or Krispy Kreme. I'm just using and spoofing them.  
  
"No! Enough is Enough!" Makoto yelled. "Jupiter Crystal Power, Make-up!" shouted Makoto, transforming.  
  
"Mako-chan... is a Sailor Senshi!?" Heero gasped.  
  
"Oh no! It's a Sailor Senshi," the G of CB said sarcastically. "I'm so afraid of a girl in a sailor fuku twirling around like a ballerina."  
  
"You should be! I am the bishoujo senshi Sailorjupiter! In the name of Jupiter, I will punish you!" yelled the now transformed Makoto.  
  
"Bring it Tutu Girl!" challenged the G of CB. Sailorjupiter growled.  
  
"Jupiter Oak Evolution!" she attacked. The G of CB turned the oak leaves into mini donuts. Sailorjupiter and Heero stood there, gaping.  
  
"Mercury Aqua Rhapsody!"  
  
"Mars Flame Sniper!"  
  
"Venus Love and Beauty Shock!"  
  
"Space Sword Blaster!"  
  
"Silver Moon Crystal Power Kiss!" The five attacks hit the G of CB in the back.  
  
"Damn... fucking... tutu... girls..." she growled.  
  
"Too many onnas," muttered Wufei.  
  
"Minna! She turned my attack into donuts!" Sailorjupiter panicked. The G of CB yawned.  
  
"You're boring," she said and donuts appeared around the five Inner Senshi and Sailoruranus.  
  
"This is more humiliating than anything," growled Sailoruranus.  
  
"Hold it God of Coffee Breaks!" came a voice. 


	8. Sailor Coffee Break

Attack of The God of Coffee Breaks Chapter 8  
  
Disclaimer: I Don't own Gundam Wing Or Sailor Moon or The God of Coffee Breaks or Tim Horton's or Dunkin' Donuts or Country Style Donuts or Krispy Kreme. I'm just using and spoofing them.  
  
"Hold it God of Coffee Breaks!" came a voice.  
  
"Huh!? Who's there?" asked the confused G of CB.  
  
"Donut Blast!" a beam of donuts pegged the G of CB in the head.  
  
"Ow! Damn it! Who's there!?" demanded the G of CB.  
  
"Haha! What's wrong?" laughed the voice.  
  
"Nothing!" yelled the G of CB.  
  
"Then I'll come out," answered the voice.  
  
"You have sexy legs," Duo told his new lover.  
  
"Aha! Behold my sexy legs!" cackled the G of CB. She and Duo started making out again. A figure dropped down in front of the captive Senshi. She was wearing a black and white fuku with donuts on it.  
  
"I am the pretty soldier Sailor Coffee Break! I am the defender of donut shops and coffee breaks! In the name of coffee lovers everywhere, I shall hurt you!" the new Senshi exclaimed. Everyone around sweat dropped.  
  
"You tutu girls are everywhere!" exclaimed the G of CB.  
  
"Burning Cappuccino!" Steaming hot cappuccino poured down on the G of CB. G of CB hissed venomously and screamed screams of agony.  
  
"I'm melting! Meeelllltinggg!" she cried.  
  
"Transformous Donutus!" attacked Sailor Coffee Break.  
  
"AAAHHH!!!!" screamed the G of CB. In a flash of light and an explosion of sprinkles, the G of CB turned into a donut. "You turned me into a bloody donut! Baka onna!" yelled the donut.  
  
"Well I'll be! A talking donut!" exclaimed Duo. Sailor Coffee Break sprouted icing wings and flew into the sky, grabbing the donut G of CB.  
  
"Your coffee shops are safe!" she yelled as she disappeared into the horizon. Duo dropped to the ground and landed on Wufei.  
  
"Hey Mako-chan, wanna go for pizza? I'm sick of coffee and donuts," Heero asked Sailorjupiter.  
  
"Hai! Hai!" exclaimed the now de-transformed Makoto. Heero kissed Makoto and they ran off.  
  
"Someone help!" screamed Eternal Sailormoon. The remaining Inner Senshi and Sailoruranus were still bond by donuts and weren't free until midnight.  
  
The End ^^ 


End file.
